Dream & Inspire
Today is my 2nd wedding anniversary! Like the tiers of a cake, marriage has so many different layers...especially for millennials. In honor of our special day, I've shared the top 5 things I've learned since walking down the aisle.
1. Compassion Is An Action - I used to think compassion is something that you just feel, you know, "aww that's so sad" or "let me say something nice to you today because you're feeling down." As I've gone through this marriage journey for the last 2 years, I realize you really have to ACT on compassion versus FEEL it. Consciously doing things a little differently if you know your partner feels some type of way about something goes a long way. Whether you feel the same way or not, actually putting that compassion to action makes all the difference in creating (and keeping) a marriage healthy.
2. Me Time is Important - Building a relationship takes time and a lot of energy, and with the right commitment, it's a beautiful journey. My husband is always my favorite person to hang out with; however, we both still need our solo time, and that's ok. I used to think that if my partner wants to be alone then they didn't want to be around me for some negative reason, but as I've grown, I realize my partner's need for independence has nothing to do with my self worth. Me time in a relationship gives you time to recharge, decompress, and bring the best version of yourself back to the table.
...but as I've grown, I realize that my partner's need for independence has nothing to do with my self worth.
3. Friendship Will Push You Through - When things get rough and and life throws you curve balls, I've learned that "lovey-dovey" feelings will not sustain you. Friendship is one of the most important aspects of marriage, and our friendship has gotten us through some really tough times. When you're friends in your marriage, you can take your emotions out of the situation and communicate and act effectively as partners. Friends try their best not to hurt each other, so sometimes you think a little harder before you say something that may come off a little...reckless. Don't get me wrong, I'm a super emo person (blame the Pisces in me!), so trying to take my emotions out of certain situations is very hard, but when it comes to specific situations, I have to look at my husband as my friend first to give the best response or advice.
4. Put the Damn Phone Down - Oh, this was a tough pill to swallow for me upon getting married and probably the biggest lesson I've had to learn. We live in a age where EVERYTHING we do is on our phones: texting, e-mails, phone calls, social media, games, calendars, and the list goes on. I found myself always, always on my phone checking something or preparing or something or just straight up scrolling through social media just because...next thing you know, you've spent an hour looking at someone else's life and not paying attention to your spouse. It's really important to carve out NPT a.k.a. "No Phone Time" where you and your partner communicate without the distractions of your phone. Seems so minuscule, but we as business owners are always tied to our phones, as many millennials are. We do this funny thing with each other where if we're on NPT and one of us looks at our phone, we toss the other person's phone on the floor. Silly, but effective for us lol. You'll be surprised just how making tiny changes can benefit your marriage.
5. Marriage Is Pretty Cool - For millennials, I feel like marriage isn't glorified as a positive experience. From things we've seen in the media to our own personal family experiences, marriage is often portrayed as this grueling thing you do when you get to a certain age or "just a piece of paper" you get to devote your life to another human being. Going into marriage, I definitely didn't have the 'this is going to be a fairytale life' thought, but I also didn't expect (because we know where expectations lead you...off a cliff lol) it to be as awesome as it has been. Knowing you have someone who has your back at all times, a true partner who has your best interest in mind, and someone who just gets you are just a few things that make marriage pretty cool. Yes, there will be hard times, but going on a journey with someone you cherish makes it all the more worthwhile and manageable.
For my non-married millennials, KEEP DOING YOU, and don't let any family or friend rush you into something in which you're not ready...it's also OK if you don't want to be married...it's not for everyone!
As millennials getting married--and waiting until our 30's to do so (I was 30, he was 34)--we took our time to get to know each other before racing down the aisle due to society's standards. That's probably the best thing we could have done. For my non-married millennials, KEEP DOING YOU, and don't let any family or friend rush you into something in which you're not ready...it's also OK if you don't want to be married...it's not for everyone! For my married millennials, let's keep showing up and showing out about the truths, both positive and challenging, of marriage.
Cheers to millennials making marriage dope!